As soon as I was off the phone from the specialist and after a mini break down, I was straight onto thinking about how to best tackle this situation.
I broke down what I needed to do into tiny step by tiny step parts. Partly because this is who I am and partly to not deal with the enormity and many facets of what I was just told.
From my conversation with my specialist my 2 clear next steps were:
1 – Wait for the PDF of pre tests to be sent from the fertility nurse in NZ (and when I received them I would send them to my local clinic to check if they could do them and the cost)
2 – Write an email to Fertility Associates to find out about my option in New Zealand for sperm donors.
After 4 hours sleep and receiving this news, number 2 was hilarious to me. It was the most f*%&@d up thing. So I did what any normal person in their early 30’s would do when just told they may be able to improve their egg quality by eating and drinking in moderation.
I took myself off to the pub (the one with amazing burgers and fries with aioli),with my laptop to write the weirdest email of my life to date, to a place in New Zealand to ask all about sperm. You had to laugh…as it is super bizarre when the day before you are lying poolside in 35 degree heat without a care in the world and now sperm is high on your vocabulary list.
Believe me a few beers in the sun and being in a public place really helped to damper down the enormity of the news and just helped to make me laugh my way through it.
What I have found during this process so far is that you just get on with it and trawl through each option and I have learned that the best way I can deal with it without actually getting checked into an insane asylum is to compartmentalise the hell out of things and attack things small step by small step. Things tend to come crumbling down again if I skip a step or start hearing options that are past where I am now…freaking me out, overwhelming me and being way too much. I think New Kids on the Block had it right all those years ago…..Step by step….it seems to work.
In the interest of a little fun…
Yesterday morning being overtired and slightly delerious I was cracking myself up by answering the lyrics to the NKOTB song as I sung it and as I wouldn’t want to put anyone through listening to my horrid singing voice, here’s what I was doing…all the while laughing really hard and also thinking I was slightly insane!!! Haha
Me – Hmmmmm, would we call turkey basting fun?
Me – Well, there’s 2 options, I guess that will do?
Me – Hmmmm, yep, just me on that one
Me – Yep, well, I suppose you can but ‘man in a can’ doesn’t come cheap
Me – Well unfortunately I brought that one on myself by finding this out. So, ‘now’ it is!
Dada, dada, dada,dada, done!