Going through this process and having mastered the art of ‘The wait’ I really, truly thought that any emotional reactions had been beat out of me and being well researched and prepared I would be ready for anything.
Surprise, surprise, I could not have been more wrong, even if I had tried.
Last Friday (now two Friday’s ago), on a bright sunny Spring morning, I walked along the river slightly nervous for my first appointment in Beijing. This appointment would start to get the ball rolling on making sure all my tests would line up and the tests could go ahead on the correct days. The nerves were coming from the fact that all of a sudden these tests were upon me and here I was on my way to begin the journey of getting confirmation on what path my life will soon take…left or right.
Upon arrival I bumped into a friend – which happened to be a great distraction, especially as he is a boy and talking about girly things like fertility definitely wasn’t going to happen!
A nurse then came to take my vitals and asked me a hilarious question to determine if I needed to be weighed:
“What are you here for?” Hmmmmmm, I wondered, how to explain that in a sentence or 2? Then she asked me:
“Are you pregnant” Lol – Well, that’s kind of the whole point of the appointment! Thankfully I avoided being weighed.
Next it was into the Gynecologists office, a Spanish person and also an English speaking doctor.
After explaining to her why I was there and presenting her with my printed out, organized doctors, specialists and fertility experts notes she turned to me, interrupted and asked:
“But I don’t understand, why you are here?”
A bit taken aback, I said “Well, as you can see my AMH level is 2.2…..”
She cut me off again and said “I can see all that, but I still don’t know exactly why you are here”
Again, a bit miffed, I looked at her in a bit of shock and then she finally elaborated.
To paraphrase she said:
“I’m not sure why you wouldn’t wait a few years to see if you meet someone and then worry about it then. All clinics interpret these results differently. My interpretation is that 3 is where your level should be at the moment in relation to your age bracket (she showed me yet another version of the same chart I have seen countless times). As 3 is close to where your level is (2.2), I would not be worried. (Hmmm to me 2.2 is not close to 3!). If your level was under 1, then you should be worried and want to hurry things. I am not sure why you would do further tests with this number however I am happy to give you a referral for a second opinion. As there is no real fertility experts as such in Beijing, except a guy at BJU (another big and popular hospital here),(she then spouted off his impressive sounding credentials), he sometimes gives appointments about fertility (his specialty/interest), so I could refer you to him”.
As you can imagine my head was reeling. I have had tears well up before but I have never had tears literally leak out directly. I was in such shock. What had just happened?!?!?!
After all this time and from 4 different people I have been told 1 thing and then this interpretation comes along. I felt completely blindsided. This was just meant to be an appointment to get all my ducks in a row, not one to completely turn my head upside down.
I walked away in a trance of emotion.
The doctor had gone ahead and booked the tests and I had her personal email so when day 1 of my cycle came along, I could contact her directly to make sure I was able to gain an appointment for the much needed day 3 tests. If I can give her one thing, it’s that she was extremely straight up and up front with me.
Unfortunately for me, directly after this, I had to go and get my new passport photo taken! Blotched, miffed face and all.
Now, as a couple of my family members have pointed out, this is just one opinion however it is a radically different opinion compared to what I have encountered so far.
I know that in reality this is good news but how do you look at something like this with fresh eyes when for the last 2 and a half months those eyes have only been looking at coming to terms with worst case scenarios and intermittent decisions with weary eyes?
So, what do you believe? What path do you choose? How can you make a decision when the same results point to 2 different things?
Well, my plan is to seek another opinion and hope to god that one confirms something OR it is back to the drawing board.