A mega catch up

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I’ve come a long way in regards to this and truly believe that is why my second IVF round went so differently in terms of my emotions and attitude.

As I have mentioned multiple times, my blog is delayed.  I have done that on purpose to give me the time to grieve or to come to terms with what ever the outcome was from October – good or bad.  Little did I realised that writing once a week just wasn’t going to cut it when so many things happened over the course of the month that I spent there.  These weekly post updates could have gone on for months, leaving you all in too much suspense and I did not think that that was fair.  So this post will aim to be an informative but long one to play the catch up game.

Here goes….this is the post that is probably going to be epically long but it will give you a HUGE catch up all in one to see what happened during the rest of my trip to Athens in September and October of last year.

We last left off with 3 follicles and a next morning appointment that would hopefully be the one where they would tell me that we would be ready for a ‘harvest’.

The next morning

It was all good news as the right side was ‘ready to go’ with 2 eggs and the left side with 1 and 2 smaller possibilities….we were back up to possibly 5, people….believe me…it was a daily roller coaster.

The ‘egg removal guy’ (with so much else going on, all the medical jargon and terms I was learning, not to mention those damn acronyms…can you really blame me for having no idea what his proper professional title was?),  told me that we would aim for retrieving 3 but quite often in cases like this they may be able to retrieve more – 4,5 or even 6.  I have no idea where the 6 came from but I’ll take it.  I was happy with 3 (better than the 2 last time), and starting crossing fingers for any extras.  However we would have no idea of the quality of the eggs until they were removed so it was another ‘wait and see’ situation.  I was very used to this by now so wasn’t too bothered by it – 1 step at a time.  Let’s go 3 – thankfully it’s my favourite number.

It was also my last stimulant day – woohoo! I was also not allowed to take Clexane (the blood thinner),  so was on cloud 9 until I remembered it was all systems go and that I had to go at 10pm that night and get the mammajamma of all injections – the ‘Trigger shot’, not so affectionately known by me as the ‘butt shot’, as it goes directly into your butt muscle and hurts…not so fun!  It had to happen precisely at 10pm to coincide with the egg removal time a few days later at 9am.  Basically it starts the ovulation process making it easier to retrieve the eggs.  There was no way in hell that I was going to do this myself – injections into my stomach fat was all well and good but into a muscle that I could barely reach with a full sized huge needle….no way hose…I didn’t need that stress and pressure, so they gave me a note in Greek and as I had done this before I knew where to go (ridiculously a maternity hospital!), and I felt more relaxed about it.

The next day was a ‘drug free’ day, however not really as I still had to take all the pills I was currently on (6 a day) but no needles!  Still celebrating the small things!

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Distracting myself with lunch and a day out with my new friend

As I finished my appointment I met a new friend!  She is fab and is in a similar situation to me which was really nice to chat with someone with a similar condition.  She is married but was in Athens alone for a bit so I was thankful to have someone to chat with, meet up with and explore with – I didn’t realise how people starved I had been.  Over the course of the next week we ended up spending a lot of time together and she introduced me to another lovely couple and we are all still in contact.  I am so grateful to have met them.

9.30pm I started the 25 minute walk to the hospital and the pain in the butt came right on 10pm – ouch!  The walk home helped though and I had the added distraction that my ‘friend’ from Agistri came over the spend the day with me the next day which was a lot of fun and a great distraction on my ‘drug free day’ – the day before and morning of the retrieval.

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A relaxing lunch out – great distraction before ‘going under’ the next day

The retrieval

It was up bright and early with no food or drink from midnight, sans makeup, perfume and jewellery and onto the metro to the clinic on the day of my retrieval.  It was a bit of a wait once I had got changed into my sexy blue gown until I went in – got to love a wait when you are completely naked and nervous waiting to be put under and have big needles poking holes in your uterus!

Then they were ready and it was time to go.  Thankfully the anaesthetic went in fine this time, so no moving the needle in my hand and no entire hand bruises afterwards like last time.  Unfortunately I reacted badly to the anaesthetic and woke up crying and upset but managed to calm myself down quickly as I had no idea why I was upset or crying.  I have only been under anaesthetic 3 times and once before I had had a really bad reaction upon waking and they thought I may have been awake during it – not a fun feeling.

The magic number was 5!!!  Way better than the 2 from round one and the none from the cancelled cycle!

I finally ate and drank something and felt very woozy and drunk-like until an hour and half after I woke up, which made for a hilarious metro ride and walk home.  I took the rest of the day to rest and made it a lazy day, which was prescribed and needed.  There are a lot of rules on this IVF journey but I was glad for the list that was tagged to this day.

I would have to call the clinic at 12.30pm the next day to see how the eggs were coming along, if they were good quality and if they had started to fertilise or not.  This was always the nerve wracking part for me, as it was totally out of my control, I could no longer rely on my body to help things along or stimulants.  It was donor sperm and my eggs, all having to do this on their own.  Fingers crossed!

DAY 1 – post egg retrieval

It took me half an hour to work up the courage to make the nerve wracking phone call and I had a huge pit in my stomach while doing so.

One day 1, I had 5 fertilised eggs, which had now turned into embryos. This was unbelievable as no one thought that my body, with my condition, would be able to produce that many or it was always a best case scenario/rare chance.  I was hoping for at best 3 but preparing myself for less so I was beside myself.  At this point last time I had 2 eggs and only 1 fertilised.  100% this time – go embryos go!

However again, I had to check myself…this does not mean that they would be of good quality – that was the next check at the Day 3 point.  While talking to the embryologist (yes – I have one medical name in this process down!), she mentioned that they could not see any severe abnormalities, which was great news.

The next appointment was in 2 days time, in person, to see how they were doing and depending on the number and quality, the transfer would happen then or we would wait until day 5.  If we waited until day 5 they would have developed into blastocysts and have a much better chance.  However with my previous situations and limited egg supply it would more likely be a day 3 transfer again, so that was what I prepared myself for.

I obviously would love them to develop to day 5 as you aim for this and getting the best outcome and quality but it was also a catch 22 for me as it would mean more time off work and more money spent on flights and accommodation etc.  But it is a step by step process and we would have to see how it went over the next few days.

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Some people may find it strange that I went to see ‘Bridget Jones’ Baby’ while going through IVF but I thought it was hilarious – I needed the laugh!

Celebrating the small things – c’mon wee embryos!

DAY 3 – post egg retrieval

Holy s*#t…excuse the french but this was the exact words I sent on this day to my friends and family and to be honest there really is no other way to describe what happened…all 5 had continued to grow.

3 were Grade 1, 8 cells, meaning they were the best grade and cell number, whoop whoop.  2 were Grade 1.5, 6 cells, meaning they were smaller and had a small amount of fragmentation but were still pretty damn good.

I also had my 7th blood test for progesterone levels, so hopefully they would come back ok.

As the 3 are doing so well, they expect all 3 to get to the Blastocyst stage, so the transfer would happen on Day 5 – the day I was supposed to leave.  You are not able to fly long haul for at least 48 hours so I had to spend the day changing my flight, talking to my boss…eeekkkk…. and finding another apartment as all the ones in the building were going to be occupied – buggar!

My work was amazing and totally understood – all my sick leave was officially eaten up and I was now operating on ‘leave without pay’ – ouch! But so worth it if in the long run this works!  Due to Turkish Airline rules, as I had already changed the flight I had to go in person to the airport desk and change it there and pay a huge fee (better than buying a new ticket by far though!),  and it made for an afternoon adventure on the metro.  Luckily I also found a great apartment with a stunning view pretty much across the road from my current place – gotta love Airbnb!

(Celebrated and again distracted myself with a trip to the Acropolis and an incredible lunch….so good I licked the plate)

DAY 5 – Embryo Transfer

Previous to going in I had to really think about what I might do if all 5 made it, if 4 made it, 3 or even 2.  How many would I put back?  Greek law states that for my age range they would only let 2 be put back as I have a higher chance than others – go the age!  Would I risk 2?  Could I handle it alone if both worked and I had twins?  Again – I had to try and slow my brain and think ‘one step at a time’.  I just had to wait and see what I had got and take their advice onboard too.

Out of the 5, 2 made it to Blastocysts, 2 arrested on day 3 and 1 made it to morula stage and we would wait to see if it made it to a blastocyst the next day and decide whether to freeze it from there.  However it looks like it may have arrested yesterday (day 4) – it ended up that that was the case.

Both blastocysts were AA and one was 3 and one was 4. 6 is the top and means that the embryo has hatched.  This basically means that one embryo was excellent and one was very good.  They expected hatching from both later today, which would be after the transfer.  Pretty cool.

I had to make that decision about how many embryos to put back and as I mentioned above that with the prospect of 3-5 it was very daunting.  However with only 2 and after talking it over with both Penny and the embryologist, I decided to put both back – transfer them both.

In terms of statistics there is a 50% chance of a single pregnancy resulting, which is because of my age and is great news comparatively, as IVF rates are on average more of a 25% or less chance with low AMH, however it is still a low chance.  The twin thing was of course discussed and the clinic doesn’t like dealing with numbers but there is a 30% chance but as the embryologist said, if it happens to me then there is a 100% chance.

(The white dot above my finger are the blastocysts – watching them go in is the coolest thing)

So now I continued to take lots of pills on a daily basis and wait for the 2 week mark to see if the embryos had ‘settled in’.

Oh, and lets not forget the butt shots – I had one Pregnyl injection on the day post transfer and had to expose my whole butt, as it was done during the ‘resting stage’ after the transfer – just stunning.  Now, that one was painful.  I had to do 2 more, one in 2 days before I flew and another on the Sunday when I was back in Beijing.  Thankfully my doctor was working this day and was able to do it for me.  They have a policy that they would not do it unless it is prescribed by them but knowing my situation my doctor was amazing and obliged.

So it was another mandatory 2 days of rest in the hopes that these 2 little guys hatch and started to settle in.

I had had no idea but luckily my new apartment happened to be situated in the tallest building in Athens and the view was just insane!

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Thank goodness I had this view to relax to.

Leaving day

My month in Athens had finally come to an end after 1 cancelled round, 2 trips to Agisitri, countless injections, one miracle, 2 rescheduled flights, 5 accommodation shifts, broken veins, 0 then 5 then 3 then 5 then 2 eggs, unexpected 5 day transfer, new friends and 2 embryos hopefully setting in, it had been one hell of a ride.  Who knew when I left from Beijing for 2 weeks that this is what would have happened.

I spent my last day getting my second butt shot – yay! (sarcasm), and raiding all the pharmacies trying to gather as much Clexane injections as possible as the prices in China were insane and I wasn’t entirely sure I could get them.  I even bought 2 pregnancy tests – such a weird feeling and it was so hilarious when the cashier said me me ‘I hope that you get the result that you want’ – what a great way to say it.  It made me feel quite good ‘So do  I’ , I replied (but it would be a wait!).

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There are 2 injections in each…and this was only half of the loot I picked up

I had said goodbye to my new friends the night before and it was back to Beijing and normal life to begin that dreaded 2 week wait that everyone talks about and that I had experienced once before and that had ended in disappointment.

Back in Beijing – the 2 week wait

Thankfully carrying so many meds and injections went seamlessly and the only thing the airports were concerned about was the ice pack that I was carrying on board that was keeping my last shot of Pregnyl cold ready for my Sunday butt shot.  Thank goodness for the Greek and English letters I carried with me.

Sorting out that third butt shot and then trying to sort the intense amounts of medication that I had to take each day was enough to keep me busy, as was returning to the realities of work and the cold weather in Beijing.

I was on 13 pills a day all spaced out at random times, so it took some getting used to to make sure I had taken what I was supposed to at certain times – luckily time management is my forte.  All going well I had 14 weeks of this to look forward to.  All I had to do was keep the 2 week mark in mind and get myself to that – 1 step at a time.  I also had that blasted Clexane injection that had hardly marked me in Athens but was now making lovely smiley face patterns on my stomach – just beautiful.  The glamours of IVF – maybe that it what I should rename my blog.

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Beginning to fade just in time to start the injections at the top of the smile again

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It took up a lot off my time trying to sort and organise all these babies

The 2 week wait – my old friend…..3 months on and here we go again.

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Cheers, to all I have been through and how I have coped, with a non-alcoholic beer to celebrate the roller coaster of my life and where I ended up at the end of the second visit to Serum

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And away we go…

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The time had come, it was off to Athens to start this part of the journey. Here I go.

Some how the time came, racing along at full speed, and I was heading to Athens to visit Serum for my first initial tests.

Due to the excuse of busy-ness and also trying to be as even and zen about what was happening to me, I had wanted to appear as relaxed and laid back as possible by putting all of my trust in the team at Serum and hadn’t asked too many questions.  Of course this was also part of my step by step, one foot in front of the other strategy.

I arrived in Athens on time and decided to make my way to the clinic via Metro forgetting that Greece runs on island time.  I had printed out directions and had made an appointment directly from the airport on the advice and suggestion of almost everyone involved in the process and from the many, many posts on ‘Fertility Friends’ websites.  Dragging my suitcase behind me over cobbled, narrow and uneven streets I arrived 20 mins after my ‘rough time’ which seemed to be no problem as it appears they keep quite a loose scheduling system, very well suited to cases like mine and overseas clients.

It was strange not having to fill in forms or confirm payments, they seem very laid back. After a small wait I was told to go to the 3rd floor where I was greeted and lead to a small room where I was told to empty my bladder and then get changed.  Ok – straight into it then.

Upon returning the nurse asked me what tests I was getting done – I looked at her blankly.  Finally we cleared up the fact that it was my first visit, that I had no clue and she then confirmed a few other details.  We had a laugh and were back on track.  My initial thought was – stay calm, I am sure this was just a small hiccup.

I had to don this hilarious too small wrap around sheet about the size of a hand towel, I think I am going to have to get used to manovering it over my left thigh to ensure the least flashing possible….ooooo sexy!  I sat for a few minutes and then was told to come into the next room where 3 people were – 1 being the famous Penny, who is the clinic director and founder of Serum.  She had a huge smile on her face in greeting but was straight to business – ‘Please sit down and put your legs up here, I will first do a scan’.  My god, it is run like a tight ship around here, understandably so but for someone coming off 4 and a half hours sleep, an early flight and going into the unknown it was all a bit much.

It was amazing to have someone be very quick and precise and so obviously know what they were talking about minus the judgement – all things I have had to endure during this process.

She informed me that my left ovary had 4 follies and that unfortunately my right ovary was not a good producer and that it may have 1-2 follicles.  We then got into a conversation about my eggs being accelerated to the state of a 41 year old, she then looked at me in disbelief and asked who had told me that?  While answering, it caused me to lose it and get emotional, tears leaking out.  All 3 tisked at doctors, then she put my legs together sat me up and gave it to me straight:

P: “How old are you?”

Me: “32”

P: “How old are your eggs?”

Me: “32”

P: “If I scanned a 41 year old and they produced 19 eggs.  What eggs would be better?”

Me: “32 year old eggs” (I was sobbing at this stage)

P: “ Thats right, it makes me so sad to see beautiful young girls so upset by the words of others. How many eggs does it take to make a baby?”

 “1” – We all chorused -laughing now (well, I was laugh crying)

She gave me a huge hug and asked: ‘So, why are you crying?”

Next she explained that she wanted to do an Aquascan. Luckily I had read that this was quite a common procedure at Serum.  It involves inserting a catheter into the uterus (“There are 3 things that you need to make a baby – an egg, sperm and a good baby growing environment” repeated Penny), passing saline through the catheter, blowing up the uterus to gain a look at every nook, crannie, scarring, mark etc.  It was amazing to see it on the monitor, it looked so small.  Excitedly she told me this was a perfect looking uterus, absolutely nothing there to impair anything and that it was able to be ready for 1 or even 2 babies.  It was a textbook scan.

She then scraped the side of my uterus to make it more optimal for implantation.  Thankfully I could not feel that at all (until an hour or so later when I got some pretty intense cramping).  Unfortunately she then told me that because the liquid had only stayed in the uterus that meant that my tubes were probably blocked, however because I am doing IVF this was not a problem.  I decided not to press for more information and find out about that later if it would influence things further down the track at some point….small step by small step.  I decided to flag this bad news and move on.

I was able to get dressed and then went to meet with her and the embryologist in her office on the 4th floor.  This proved to be the most informative part of the day and enabled me to ask the questions I needed to ask and get a clearer picture of things.

In summary:

  • Because of my right ovary and the extremely low number of follicles she does not want to use stimulants unless absolutely necessary.  She explained it “It’s like if you have a gun held to your head, it impairs you and makes you seize up or act differently than you normally would.  Stimulants can do that to your eggs (causing abnormalities or making them ‘freeze’ in growth) and with a limited number I do not want to do that to you, we want it to be as natural as possible.”
  • I will be following a protocol called ‘Natural supported cycle’.  Which means initially I will only take supplements to help improve egg quality and to prepare my uterus: Steroids, antibiotics (to counteract the scraping and clear the uterus of any bacterial invaders that may be present), Melatonin (to aid egg quality) and extra folic acid on top of the prenatal vitamin I am already taking.
  • NO NEEDLES at this point!!!  There are some bonuses to sucky egg numbers!  There may be stimulants later after my Day 5/6 scan if some follicles aren’t developing properly (to help them along), but they will administer them! Whew!!!
  • This part is a little gross: I need to collect drops of my blood when my cycle starts so they can test it when I am back (as I won’t be there during it), to make sure there is no infection and all is good.
  • I will be back in Athens on July 6th, straight from the airport to the clinic (taxi this time), to ensure I have a scan to make sure everything is developing ok and then adjust anything that needs to be adjusted before retrieval.
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Pills only at this stage…whew!

After that it was the logistics of obtaining the medications and payment for the Aquascan (E200) and medication (E47).  This was way lower than the E1500-E2000 that I had expected after researching….although I may be paying big amounts for stimulants if they are needed when I am back.

I was then taken through the printed out sheet of instructions Penny had given me 1 more time, given a plastic cup and saline for blood collection and I was out the door on my way to the hotel up the street, emotional and desperate for a lay down but feeling a thousand times better knowing that I am in great hands with someone at the helm who comes across as your Greek Grandma.  Just what you need when you are doing this alone – “Amy, the lovely, kind, beautiful girl, who has not yet met her prince.  She will have everything ready for him”.

Stirrups…and not the fun horsey ones!

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Round 2 – definitely NOT the peace sign

Last Tuesday it was off to the clinic for round 2 in China.  Day 3 was upon us and it was blood tests and baseline ultrasounds to be had.

After some initial difficulty about ensuring I was tested on the correct day and rearranging a few schedules, I was in the office and ready to go, legs all up and in the stirrups – not such a great picture, believe me!

Although I did feel like I had to tell her that she was the first women to see me like this.  Throughout all my years of having Pap smears, Colposcopies, my LETTZ operation and further biopsies, it has only ever been men that have done them.  Having a women do this was a very new experience for me!

For those that have never had one, it was a transvaginal ultrasound, meaning that it is what it looks like in all the movies….a long thin thing with a condom slipped over it, all up in your girly bits so it can get a clearer picture of your insides.  In particular for me…the follicles that grow in my ovaries and develop into eggs.

It all felt a bit weird having to do it when I was on day 3 of my cycle….the logistics were interesting….but obviously as she is a complete professional, it went really smoothly and was not too embarrassing – thank goodness for needing to have an empty bladder for the ultrasound.

After explaining the procedure she started to tell me what she was seeing on the monitor.  My right ovary showed 3 follicles but my bowel was in the way, after measuring each one and discovering that that 1 follicle was measuring 8mm, she determined that that was the principle follicle (the one that will develop into the egg), and that it was unusual to see it this early in the cycle.  Fantastic, another frustrating thing to add to my ever growing list of unusual things my body does!  She could not tell me if this was a good unusual or a bad unusual, that would all depend on the entire picture created from all the test results.

As the bowel did not move we moved on to the left side.  The left side was determined to show off to the right and had 5 follicles although they were all very small.  Then, it was back to the right side to try and use some pushing on my stomach techniques to move the bowel but apparently my bowel is stubborn and wouldn’t budge.

I then asked the ‘however much IVF/embryo transferring is going to cost me’ dollar question about what 8 follicles means….Good or bad?  Hope or no hope?

Unfortunately her answer was along the lines of that it seems good however we have to wait for the other tests to come back to really see the whole picture and how it all lines up.

Next it was onto the dreaded blood tests.  Those of you who know me, know I am deathly afraid of 2 things: Snakes and Guns and that 1 thing follows closely behind that: Needles!

For the first time in awhile I took it like a champ – no teary eyes at all! Although the nurse wouldn’t give me a lollipop, so I am not sure it was worthwhile being that brave for it.

For those interested I was tested again for:

  • AMH: estimate of the remaining egg supply
  • FSH: Follicle stimulating hormone, if this is not in the normal range it indicates problems with fertility
  • LH: the hormone responsible for helping to release your egg from the ovaries
  • Estradiol: Estrogen
  • TSH: Thyroid function – this can sometimes be the main cause for an hormone imbalance in your body if it isn’t at a normal level

I was told by the doctor that as the tests are measuring hormones, most will take 3 days to come back and the dreaded AMH would take 5.

I went off to cope, meeting up with friends and enjoying a yummy steak dinner, served outside on a lovely Spring evening in Beijing, washed down with copious amount of laughs and red wine….whoops….I really need to learn about moderation at some point along this journey.
 Cheers to another bout of waiting!

Down with one!

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…or not!

It is incredibly hard for me to write some of these posts and not just because of the what they are about.  I am not sure if any of you have picked up on this but what I have shared so far only happened in that first week of finding out – that was about 6 weeks ago.

As you can imagine a lot has changed since then but also a lot has not.  So many important things happened during that first week and I feel that I need to explain them properly for others to fully understand my story and decisions.  However it is unbelievably hard to write them now, looking back, as what I know now and feel has changed or stayed the same or I am no further forward or I have made firm decisions – don’t worry, not THAT decision….not yet anyway.  This is what makes it incredibly hard to write ,as I am not sure how to approach the posts – from then or now or a mix of both.  Also I have had so many incredible stories shared with me and so many amazing people reach out I want to make sure that everyone understands at least one place that I am at right now. So I will start with a decision I have firmly made.

I have decided that at egg freezing is no longer an option for me.

This in turn rules out New Zealand for a place to help me or have treatment in, as egg freezing is their only option unless I have my own personal sperm to do other options with.  As we all know I am painfully single, so this is not the case.  Also, as you know, I could wait for a sperm donor on a list however that list is 2-3 years long and my time frame is a year, so the math does not add up.  So out with New Zealand.

Obviously this decision has not come lightly however I am just so relieved to have at least one option checked off my list and into the ‘do not want’ pile. Scratch that.  More like in the ‘will not do’ pile.

A friend of mine recommended an amazing website ‘Fertility Friends’ and although incredibly overwhelming (I am still using my mantra of step by step and only looking up small things at a time), it has real people, sharing real stories and really is the best place I have been able to find concrete information, that helps all different people from all walks of life, from all different countries around the world to be informed without doctors and too much clinical stuff getting in the way.

However, there is no escaping the dreaded acronyms!  My god, those things have become my worst enemy, so much so that I now have a fertility acronym dictionary in my notes on my computer.  My god, how life has changed! That page used to be my ‘bars to visit’ list!

Fertility friends has incredible threads dedicated to different things, however the Australasian thread was the most helpful at first.  Long story short, it helped me see that most people with infertility issues in Australia and New Zealand basically said ‘Get the hell out’.  They have gone to reputable clinics in mostly South Africa, the Chech Republic, Bulgaria, Spain and Greece to seek more options and credible advice, that was more affordable.  And by more affordable I mean SERIOUSLY more affordable.  One Australian couple had flown to South Africa, had a few treatments/cycles and flown back and that cost them the same as 1 treatment in Australia.  For me it was a no brainer….start looking into overseas options.

The same friend who suggested this website, had sent me a few threads and as she is interested in this stuff (I am so thankful for that and for her!), had seen that a few clinics were continually mentioned, down to the person who was best to deal with.  I looked up one clinic – Serum in Greece and was amazing by what they could offer.  I submitted a questionnaire from their website, attached my doctors notes and within a day I had heard back.

Wow!  I was completely blown away by their knowledge, efficiency and professionalism.  Most of the knowledge I have now, still comes from those first few emails.  As I had asked about egg freezing (among other things but that will come later), I was given great advice.

Serum do not “offer egg freezing here as it’s relatively unproven as few babies have been born from frozen eggs worldwide except from fertile egg donors.  Increasing numbers of egg freezing cycles are being run for women wanting to postpone having a family but only a tiny portion of those women have gone on to try getting pregnant with those eggs.  The proportion of those women who have extra fertility issues like low AMH is also probably small so it will be difficult for any doctor to give you a robust estimate of what your personal chances to have a baby from 2 cycles for frozen eggs would be.  I think it’s unhelpful to start thinking of  egg freezing as an insurance because it may be that even with several cycles of freezing, the eggs do not give pregnancy when you come to try with them.”

After this email I obviously did some more research and found out the following things:

1 – Eggs have a high water content so can be susceptible to both damage and destruction as ice crystals within the egg can cause it to fracture when thawing

2 – Thawing of the eggs does not have enough research to support successful pregnancy outcomes and during the thawing process (depending on how your clinic does it – oh yes, there are a few ways! More fun knowledge I had to learn about), there are low thawing survival rates.

Laying it all out on the table this would mean because of my low AMH levels, if I did a round of IVF to extract eggs, I would only at best case scenario, have 6 eggs, in most cases half are viable (due to varying reasons), that’s 3, then they would need to go through the thawing process with maybe, again, at best, 1-2 surviving and then subjecting myself to trying to get pregnant with only a small chance of that working down the track, with no proven research to say it will work.  I don’t even want to go down the track of my worst case scenario outcomes or lack there of.  Women with non fertility issues would have a much better chance and the statistics are still against them with low pregnancy outcome rates.

That is a lot, and I mean A LOT of money, time, hurt, energy, life wasted  and a seemingly endless emotional roller coaster for a crappy not scientifically proven way of preserving fertility, that has not even been a great deal successful in the most fertile of women.  Imagine it with the fertility challenged.

I have decided that I am not wanting to waste my life, worrying if it may work, sending myself into crippling debt for a possibility or a maybe or a just not sure.  I want something more concrete than that, even of it is just slightly more.

So egg freezing is struck firmly off the list.

Down with one, what will be next?